“I’m just a jealous guy,” sang John Lennon in his famous song, and I took this as my personal mantra into all my early relationships.
Insecurity reigned supreme and more than once I ended relationships because this felt less painful than being rejected myself. Yes, even if things were going well, I would somehow throw a spanner in the works and create a problem where none really existed!
This article looks at how insecurity destroys relationships and how you can overcome it and start to feel so much more secure in yourself through the power of hypnosis, just as I did.
Fear of rejection as a survival impulse
The thing about insecurity is that it’s mostly based on fantasy, possibly with old connections that go way back in your history – or even beyond.
You see, built into your very DNA is the fear of rejection.
You can imagine what would have happened to tribe members thousands of years ago if they were rejected by the group; anyone ostracized didn’t last long. They would have been captured or killed by marauding enemy tribes or, even worse, attacked and eaten by wild animals.
To be rejected or abandoned meant almost certain death. And insecurity can feel like this in relationships. The primitive, survival part of the brain works overtime, looking for any sign of danger such as…
Who was s/he just texting?
Why is s/he back late?
Who’s that guy she’s talking to?
Why did he close his emails/hide his phone when I walked into the room?
Does she prefer him to me?
Emotional arousal distorts your thinking
When these strong, primitive fear-based emotions take over your thinking will be distorted. You end up imagining all manner of worst-case scenarios. You create inner dialogues that take on a life of their own.
The worst thing is that these fantasies have very real effects on how you relate to your partner and the quality of the relationship.
Indeed, you start believing more in the fantasies than you do your partner. When s/he reassures you, it’s not enough – you still believe your emotionally-driven thoughts. Fantasy becomes more real than reality.
Separating fantasy from reality
And this is one of the first things you’ll start to address when you enrol on this course; separating fantasy from reality. It’s time to come back to the real world!
Not only that but you’ll start addressing your own emotional needs as an individual. Yes, in order for you to have a healthy relationship with someone else you need to heal the way you relate to yourself. This is where boosting self-esteem comes in.
When you feel better about yourself you are far less likely to overly concern yourself with fearful fantasies about your partner. You are able to live in the real world and deal better and more confidently with all that life throws at you – including relationship issues.
Dealing with life’s uncertainties
Ultimately what you’re dealing with here is one of the givens of life – uncertainty. If we’re ever to evolve as a species, we need to learn how to deal better with the ambiguities of life.
Nothing is certain in life. Nothing is certain in relationships, even with a ring on your finger!
This course will help you not only feel better as an individual but also equip you with the mental skills to successfully ride the ups and downs that we all encounter in relationships and in life itself. And if you can’t get to me in person for one-to-one therapy, this is the next best thing.
Find out more about Overcoming Insecurity in a Relationship here and if you do the ten-part course please let me know how you got on.
Or go back to online courses here to find out about assertiveness, social anxiety, self-esteem, success – and more.