Do you keep sabotaging yourself and messing things up? Do you feel stuck in repeating patterns? And how about reacting to situations in the same old automatic way? If this is the case, your Loyal Soldier might well be responsible.
In this post we’ll look at a part of your psyche that has somehow gotten stuck on a specific behaviour pattern, rooted in the past.
We’ll find out how the Loyal Soldier develops and how – with the use of hypnosis – you can change the unconscious programming and experience real changes in your life.
Let’s find out how to make that happen…
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What is the Loyal Soldier?
Let us begin by defining the term “Loyal Soldier”. It can be traced back to events that happened after World War II when hundreds of Japanese soldiers were left stranded on remote Pacific islands. Communications being what they were at the time, these soldiers had no way of knowing that the war had ended. They were still hiding in jungles and caves, ready to fight.
The same thing happened after the Vietnam war in the 70s. When soldiers were found hiding months later they still held a strong loyalty to their original military objective; to fight to the death. It took much coaxing and convincing to get these soldiers to lay down their arms and emerge from their hiding places. And, once out of hiding, the authorities could simply have told these men that they were no longer needed and that they were free to go home.
However, they thought carefully about the impact of such a dismissal. After all, who do you become when you’re not a soldier anymore? So how did they integrate these men back into society? Firstly, the soldiers were praised for their loyalty. Next, they were given assurances that their homecoming would be met with great celebration and honour. (Today we would also ensure that each soldier would receive the right psychological support, especially with regard to trauma/PTSD).
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This deeply respectful return to civilian life and community helped the soldiers reintegrate back into society where they were able to develop new and meaningful roles for themselves.
But what’s Japanese soldiers and Vietnam Vets got to do with me, I hear you ask. Well, if you keep sabotaging yourself, messing things up, reacting automatically to situations, then your Loyal Soldier could be the very person you need to work with.
Different ‘parts’ of your psyche
So, what we’re talking about here is a part of the psyche that formed when you were younger, perhaps much younger. Its purpose was to protect you, keep you safe, and ensure your survival. This was even more important if you grew up in a dysfunctional or abusive household.
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One of our primary emotional needs is to feel safe and secure. If that need wasn’t met and you grew up in a toxic, fear-based environment you needed some type of resource to help you survive. That’s where the Loyal Soldier came in.
The Loyal Soldier is a part of your psyche that adopted strategies and behaviours that somehow helped you survive. This was – and continues to be – its key role.
Perhaps you adopted the position of “conformist”, or “people-pleaser”. Maybe you became the family “peacemaker”. Maybe you became the “joker” to help you deal with school life (and/or get attention). Perhaps you always agreed with people in authority because speaking your truth would have resulted in punishment of some sort.
Maybe you became a “rescuer” and helped others to give you a sense of usefulness, purpose, or self-worth. Perhaps you always took charge of other people’s needs; you became the “controller”. Maybe you took on the role of “the strong one”? The one people turned to whenever there was a problem to deal with.
The Loyal Soldier’s tactics – an unconscious process stuck on auto-pilot
All these behaviours, roles, and strategies have kept you safe. But at what price?
Most of us don’t consciously choose such behaviours. They just get wheeled out depending on the circumstances. Something triggers us and the unconscious mind instantly trawls through its memory storeroom to find a ‘pattern match’ based on previous experiences. After a while we react automatically.
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In other words we slip into these ‘roles’ (such as People-Pleaser/Peacemaker/Rescuer/Joker/Controller/the Strong One) without conscious thought. It’s become so well practised we do it by rote. This can be viewed as a type of trance state. We’re on autopilot, fully identifying with the role. I call it a trance identity that has usurped your True Self.
Once you’re deeply in the trance it’s not easy to step back out. The Loyal Soldier is, at this point, in full command of the situation, carrying out his or her duty, just following orders. The tactic has worked so many times before so why change it now?
I recall an incident several years ago when I smashed my mobile phone. I was at the coast and was waiting for an old sailing ship to pass by and thought I’d make a nice little video to capture the moment. But the phone didn’t work. I kept pressing the record button but nothing happened. I had a temper tantrum, threw my phone to the ground in a rage and then jumped up and down on it, smashing it to bits.
This was my Loyal Soldier’s reaction. He deemed that anger was the right reaction in this situation. Of course, it was completely unnecessary but that’s what happens when the soldier takes over. (My partner at the time later turned the ‘wreckage’ into an art piece with the words, “Oops, I did it again’ emblazoned across it.)
What are your ‘Oops, I did it again’ moments? When do you get stuck in auto-pilot reactions? Such experiences are a sure sign that some old, outdated pattern is still operating.
The damaging effects of the Loyal Soldier
But it’s not just things that get broken in anger outbursts…
If we allow the Loyal Soldier to call the shots our relationships suffer; our relationships with others and the relationship we have with ourselves. We become pessimistic (which can contribute to feelings of depression), and we often feel invisible and unheard. We live as ghosts to ourselves, hiding in the jungle. It feels somehow safer in there (because that’s what we’ve come to know).
Just think about it for a moment…
What would happen next time you deliberately refuse to play the “people-pleaser” role and instead state your own opinions? What would happen if you hang that “peacemaker” identity on the shelf and let others argue amongst themselves while you stand back watching or simply walk away?
It might feel like the ground was shaking beneath you or that your nerves were shattered. Indeed, it might take every ounce of courage inside of you to speak your truth – for once – or to finally do something different.
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The fact is that us humans like predictability, even if that predictable outcome isn’t pleasant. This is one of the reasons people stay in abusive relationships. “Better the devil you know”. This is Loyal Soldier tactics in overdrive. Stay with what you know – hide in the jungle, keep your gun at the ready, just in case.
So, how to go about changing it? What do we do with someone so loyal to the cause?
Bill Plotkin’s ‘Soulcraft‘
I first discovered the idea of the Loyal Soldier when I read Bill Plotkin’s exceptional book, SoulCraft – crossing into the mysteries of nature and psyche.
I’d used Parts Therapy for many years, helping my clients identify and work with different parts of their psyches. But the way Bill put it made more sense…
The Loyal Soldier is simply a part of you that is stuck in the past but who needs compassion, honour, trust, respect, appreciation, even reverence.
In other words, a right relationship needs to be established with that part of yourself, a part that, up until now you may have wanted to get rid of.
With the right attitude toward the Loyal Soldier, he or she will be more willing to listen to you, hear your current predicament, and entertain the idea of learning new ways to respond to situations.
[Bill’s book is in my list of books to change your life. If you’ve not got a copy yet order yours now!]
How to work with your Loyal Soldier – 3 vital steps
With most problems in life we try to ‘get rid’ of them. We bury emotions and try to sweep problems under the carpet. But that’s not going to work with the Loyal Soldier…
We could try to banish him or her, saying in no uncertain terms that their service is no longer required. We could point out that their tactics are inhibiting us from becoming the best version of ourselves. Maybe we could try to put the Loyal Soldier in exile, forcing him or her into a far flung corner of our minds and hope they never come out again.
Trouble is, the Loyal Soldier is very good at what they do. They are loyal, and their loyalty is to you and your survival. They are stubborn and not easily banished or forgotten. Besides, they’ve done a great job of keeping you safe right up to this point in your life.
So, what to do? The best approach is to follow the example of the Japanese authorities…
- First, you tell your Loyal Soldier that the war is over; you don’t need those old tactics anymore but you do still need them. This is important!
- Second, praise their skill, loyalty and all they did to keep you safe. You want them to know that you appreciate all they’ve done for you.
- Thirdly, remind them that you are older now and, for that reason, it’s time to make a new job description for them.
These 3 things act as a powerful way of letting the soldier know you’re not banishing them, that they still have an important part to play in your life but that it can be done differently now that you’re older.
Let’s look at these 3 steps in more detail…
Step 1: Tell the Loyal Soldier the war is over
The first thing is to convince him or her that the war is over. They can now lay down their arms. They won’t believe you at first so this step will require patience on your behalf. Use your imagination and have a conversation with them. Describe to them specifically the conditions under which you lived in the past and that their tactics were appropriate back then.
Then let them know what skills you have now as an adult and how you can love, nurture, and care for yourself with your own, more mature, psychology. You’re not that kid anymore. Let the soldier know how your judgment has evolved over the years. Let them know how you’ve developed into the person you are today; your strengths, resources, knowledge-base etc. The fact is that you are vastly different to the child you once were.
Remind your soldier that although you may fail or be criticized or rejected at times, you now have the ability to take care of yourself and bounce back. You have healthy friendships and relationships that support you. You know how to generate safety, intimacy and belonging. Indeed, you know how to meet your emotional needs in healthy ways.
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Continue with the imaginary conversation. Ask the soldier what he or she has to say to you. This can be a powerful, transformative experience when guided by a skilled therapist.
Step 2: Praise the Loyal Soldier
Now it’s time to lay the groundwork to gently shift the Loyal Soldier from their position of authority. Again, this can be a powerful exercise…
Get two chairs and set them up facing each other. One chair is for you, the other is for the soldier. Sit in your chair and imagine the soldier facing you, someone who has protected you since childhood and who has brought you safely to this point in your life.
Get a good visual image of him or her in your imagination. Praise and thank them for what they’ve done all these years. Tell him or her how good they’ve been at what they’ve done. Try to be as specific as possible; mention the ways he or she have helped you cope with (and survive) troubling situations. Let the Loyal Soldier know you have deep gratitude for the safety they’ve provided.
Then the clever bit…switch chairs and step into the shoes of your Loyal Soldier. Feel their concerns for you and their loyalty to you – the person they are trying to protect and help survive. See through their eyes and feel their feelings toward you as you imagine yourself sitting opposite in the empty chair.
As the Loyal Soldier, get a sense of what it feels like to have heard that the war is over. Accept the praise and gratitude that has been given you. As the Loyal Soldier, if you have any concerns or questions voice these now. Speak to yourself sitting opposite.
Move back and forth between the two chairs, continuing the conversation between yourself and your Loyal Soldier. Keep talking until you have convinced him or her that you now have the resources to protect yourself, and that you can keep yourself safe. Listen to their objections and take them seriously but be firm and specific in your arguments in favour of your own ability to nurture yourself in new ways.
Step 3: Agree on a new job description
Your Loyal Soldier is an expert in survival strategies and will remain loyal to you even if you assign him or her a new role. So think carefully about what that role might be…
Highlight his or her skills and incorporate them into this new role. Teach them when anger is an appropriate response and when it is not. Maybe your Loyal Soldier can let you know which situations are too dangerous and need to be avoided (for now, at least).
There are any number of ways the Loyal Soldier can become a loyal ally but it will require some creativity on your part to figure out how best to utilise his or her skills.
Be explicit and tell the soldier exactly what you need from them. Negotiate a good solution, even if it’s just for a trial period so the soldier can test out the new plan of action. Remain firm in your conviction: remind them that “you’ve got this” and that you don’t need to use those old methods anymore. Listen to any concerns or questions they might have and make sure you address them. Keep dialoguing until the soldier agrees.
Important! If you agree on a trial period – say, 4 weeks – make sure you check in with your Loyal Soldier when the time is up. Assess how things have gone. Make tweaks if necessary. Praise them for what’s worked well and, if required, point out where things still need improving. Speak with praise and gratitude. The Loyal Soldier is on your side, remember.
The Loyal Soldier – summary
If you are experiencing repeating patterns in your life or feel somehow stuck in old behaviours there’s a good chance a part of your psyche is using outdated tactics to protect or help you in some way. We term this part the Loyal Soldier. It has your best interests at heart (even if it doesn’t feel like that sometimes).
When you work with your Loyal Soldier in the right way – using the 3 steps I’ve mentioned in this post – you can soon notice things changing as they adopt new, more appropriate tactics to help you deal with life now that you’re an adult. Those steps are particularly powerful when done in a light hypnotic state where your subconscious mind can work creatively with the ideas and establish a new ‘story’ to live by.
You’ll know when the war is truly over when you notice yourself responding differently in trigger situations. At this point the Loyal Soldier has recognised that you do indeed have the psychological and emotional skills to care for yourself and that they can help look after you now in new, healthier, more mature ways.
I hope you’ve found this piece interesting and helpful. Please leave comments or questions below.
I encourage you to have that conversation with your Loyal Soldier and see if you can agree on a new plan of action. And remember, if you’d like professional help with this please consider booking a Free Discovery Session with me to find out more.
Check out these related pages: The power of story: how to rewrite your life script
Inner Child healing: how to heal the wounds from your childhood
True Self vs False Self: are you being authentic or faking your way through life?
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