Learning how to sleep better and return to natural cycles of waking and sleeping will do wonders for your mind-body wellbeing. Whether you take forever to get off to sleep, keep waking up through the night, or wake up early this page will provide you with the sleep tips that will make a real difference.
Of course, sleep problems can have many underlying causes, both physical and psychological. Stress, anxiety, fear, and depression are on the increase as we all try to cope with the demands placed on us in all walks of life, from long hours at work, financial worries and relationship difficulties. And then there are physical factors like pain and conditions such as sleep apnoea.
On this page we’ll begin identifying some of the causes of poor sleep and then move on to some tips that I’ve used myself and recommended to my clients over the last two decades. You never know, but you might just start sleeping better…beginning tonight.
- Improving your sleep begins with acceptance
- How to sleep better involves a return to nature…
- Raised stress = excessive dreaming = disturbed sleep
- The symptoms of depression-related sleep problems
- How to sleep better by altering your attention mechanism
- 7 tips that will get you sleeping better – starting tonight
- How to sleep better – summary
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Improving your sleep begins with acceptance
When it comes to changing anything in life, perhaps the best place is to start is with an attitude of acceptance of the current situation. Your sleep is not as good as you’d like it to be – at the moment.
Most people who have sleep problems get extremely frustrated with their insomnia but this only serves to make things worse, adding to the already heightened feelings of stress or tension. I know this myself…
Back in my Social Services days I would sometimes be required to do ‘sleep-in’ shifts. I’d start at 2pm one day and would often go right through till 10am or even 2pm the following day. I would be off-duty at 10pm till 7am and was expected to sleep during that time. But do you think I could get off? If I did it would be fitful, light sleep, more like dozing on the sofa. Knowing I had to be up and on shift again at 7am kept me clock-watching. I’m sure I rolled over every hour to check the clock.
So what did I do? I accepted the situation and reassured myself that even if I got only a little sleep I’d still be able to function come the morning.
Learning to accept things as they are is often the first step to making positive changes. Acceptance means that you stop fighting with the part of you that controls your sleep cycle. When we calmly accept the situation, we stop the inner conflict. Less inner conflict equals less tension in the body. And a calmer body helps create a calmer mind, prepared for sleep.
So this is the first step to your sleeping better. But let’s look now at something not so well known about the workings of the mind-body system…
How to sleep better involves a return to nature…
Ernest Rossi, psychologist and one-time student of the late, great Milton Erickson introduced the world to ultradian rhythms…
Rossi discovered that every 90 minutes or so during waking hours the brain switches over to right-hemisphere dominance for about 20 minutes. You can begin to notice this happening throughout the day; you may feel a little tired, lose concentration or drift off into a daydream, for example. During those 20 minutes the mind-body system processes the last hour and a half’s experiences and at the same time recharges itself.
However – and here’s the problem with modern life – if you constantly override this natural need to take a break every 90 minutes your general stress levels will continue to rise.
The interesting thing about this 90 minute cycle is that it continues when you are asleep. During sleep the brain still switches over to right-hemisphere dominance as you enter REM sleep and start dreaming. Even if you don’t remember your dreams, it is something we all do every night.
RELATED CONTENT: Why We Evolved to Dream – watch the video below…
Raised stress = excessive dreaming = disturbed sleep
So here’s the thing…
The problem with missing out on the natural need for a rest every 90 minutes during the day results in your having to dream more at night. Now we know that dreams are nature’s way of turning off the emotional arousal that wasn’t resolved in waking hours the day before, we can see how this might be causing a problem with your sleep cycle…
Excessive dreaming is actually very tiring for the brain. In order to protect itself, the brain may decide that you should wake up early – or avoid sleep altogether!
Indeed, this is one of the major problems I see with people suffering from depression…
Too much emotional arousal in the day time (in other words, worrying about things) results in lots of unresolved issues for the dreaming brain to sift through at night during REM sleep.
And the things we tend to worry about most are unmet emotional needs. Things like the need for safety and security, attention, control, belonging, connection with others, status, meaning and purpose etc.
RELATED CONTENT: Check out more about emotional needs here to determine what might be at the root of your sleep problems
The symptoms of depression-related sleep problems
If you’ve ever suffered from depression you will probably have noticed…
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Problems getting off to sleep
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Waking periodically through the night then having trouble getting back to sleep
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Waking early
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Feelings of tiredness, exhaustion and lethargy that makes getting out of bed really difficult
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Lack of motivation to do usual things.
Feeling demotivated the next day only gives rise to yet more worries: ‘Why am I feeling like this? What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I want to socialise anymore?’
This type of questioning only perpetuates the worry cycle. Looking for whys and wherefores dig you deeper into the hole.
Breaking free from this dilemma requires that you learn how to stop worrying about things in the daytime (and especially toward bedtime) and focus your attention elsewhere.
I talk more about this in my article on how to cure depression.
How to sleep better by altering your attention mechanism
So ask yourself, “Am I a worrier?” Do you negatively ruminate over things throughout the day or when you lay in bed at night? Do you see things going catastrophically wrong? Do you dread tomorrow?
See, worry can be viewed as a negative form of self-hypnosis. Because of the emotional arousal, your attention easily gets locked into a ruminative cycle of negative thinking.
Thus, along with acceptance of the current problem, learning how to sleep better often involves directing your attention away from the problem and onto something else entirely. Indeed, much of the hypnotherapy I do is in teaching you how to use your attention mechanism differently and thereby creating better trance states for yourself.
Of course, we all worry sometimes and most of us have, at some point, had the odd sleepless night. But some people’s insomnia has become so chronic they no longer even know what the possible causes might be. It’s as if bad sleeping has become a habit. They now expect not to sleep because their brain has been programmed so often through repetition, night after night.
7 tips that will get you sleeping better – starting tonight
So, as well as accepting the current situation and learning how to shift your attention (away from worries) what else can you do that will soon start to make a real difference to the quality of your sleep?
Here are 7 tips to get you back into a much better sleep cycle…
1. Create a wind down routine
One of the best things you can do to start improving your sleep is to develop a wind down routine 2 to 3 hours before going to bed. So, if your usual bedtime is 11pm, aim to start unwinding from about 8pm.
This means stopping work and/or study, maybe taking a nice bath or shower, doing something relaxing such as listening to music or reading.
The message you’re sending to your brain is this: now is the time to begin to unwind and prepare for sleep. The wind down routine is a brain re-training exercise, training your brain to switch over to that more relaxed physical and mental state prior to good sleep.
It might take a little while to create a good routine but within a week or two you should start seeing some major improvements.
2. Get off your phone
I hardly need to say this, it’s so obvious. But I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve treated for sleep problems over the years who tell me they’re often on their phone well past midnight. Oh dear! Don’t be one of them.
We all know that smartphones (and even so-called dumbphones) keep our brains awake and switched on, messing with our melatonin levels. And despite most modern phones using blue light filters, there is simply too much on offer to keep your attention fixated, be it social media or gambling apps. Not to mention porn!
The best thing to do is to leave your phone out of the bedroom entirely. Indeed, the more you can ignore your phone during your wind down routine, the better. So, maybe a final check on emails, texts, social media at 8pm then get the damn thing turned off or put on silent until the morning. You don’t need it!
A caveat! If you are going to use your phone at bedtime the best thing you can do is listen to a hypnosis recording designed specifically to aid your sleep…
Sleep deeply with this extended hypnosis download
3. Remove any clocks in the bedroom
One of the biggest mistakes during my sleep problems was to keep checking the clock every time I woke up. This was 30 years ago and the clocks we all had back then were clock/radios with bright red digital displays. As the hours of sleeplessness passed I grew more frustrated until, one night, I decided to turn the clock round the other way so I couldn’t see the bright red numbers.
I reassured myself that the alarm would wake me up in time for the morning shift and that, until then, I didn’t need to know what time it was. It was simply nighttime.
I also reassured myself that even if I didn’t get much sleep I’d still be able to do my work come the morning. Doing so removed the pressure and frustration and I soon started to sleep better.
4. Master Zen Breathing
If you’ve had daytime stresses or you’re lying there fretting about things, you need to calm the mind-body system. Zen Breathing is a proven method to help you do this.
With Zen Breathing you learn to focus on the breathing and, by making the outbreath longer and focusing on numbers you begin to shift your attention away from worrying thoughts and, at the same time, calm yourself ready for sleep.
It’s pretty simple to do and, with practice, you will soon find yourself relaxing deeply and drifting naturally into a restful sleep.
RELATED CONTENT: Find out more about Zen Breathing
5. Do a ‘right-brain’ activity
When the brain switches over to right hemisphere dominance it feels like we’re entering the dream state. Thus, instead of ruminating negatively – which just serves to keep you stressed and alert – create a relaxing fantasy in your mind’s eye…
You might like to imagine relaxing on a beautiful beach or strolling through country fields or woodlands. Maybe even imagine visiting a sleep temple, such as those frequented by the ancient Greeks.
Try to imagine the scene as vividly as you can, using all your senses…
See the colours and scenery, hear the sounds of nature around you, get a sense of the ground beneath your feet or the air temperature on your skin and imagine smells and fragrances. The more you immerse yourself in this fantasy, the more you’re engaging your right-brain, separating yourself from the left-brain stresses and negative thinking.
Combined with Zen Breathing, your imagination can really help you create a deep sense of peace and tranquility in both body and mind. And before you know it, you’re drifting into sleep.
Take a mountain hike in your mind
6. Have an orgasm!
I don’t mind stating what others might prefer to avoid!
If the above tips haven’t yet led you into the deep sleep your mind-body needs, it’s time for sex!
Whether you’re with your partner or alone, good sex and/or masturbation is proven to help you sleep better. And I’m not just speaking from my own experience; science backs this up. (1)
Having an orgasm releases two important sleep-inducing hormones – oxytocin and dopamine. These powerful hormones could be the combination you need to drift off into dreamland – whilst having some real fun beforehand!
7. Set yourself an ordeal
If you’ve performed some of the above over a two week period and are still not getting the sleep you need, it might be time for something more drastic.
If you’re lying awake for more than 30 minutes it’s time to get up and perform an ‘ordeal’. The idea is that you do something tedious, boring, or monotonous so that your brain soon learns that now is not the time to be awake!
Again, like shifting your attention, we’re back to another brain training exercise…
You might get all the tin cans out of your kitchen cupboards and write down all the E numbers or additives. You might stand in the middle of the living room reading the numbers in the telephone directory. You might even get down on your hands and knees in the bathroom with a tiny brush and scrub round the edges of the floor.
Do anything that feels like an ordeal, something your brain would do anything to avoid – even sleep. But remember, don’t reward yourself. Don’t get up and make yourself a hot drink or watch something good on TV. What you do needs to feel like an ordeal!
Just two or three ‘ordeal’ experiences could be enough to train your brain to sleep at night.
How to sleep better – summary
In summary, we can say that sleep is both a physical need and an emotional need. Slow wave sleep restores the body and REM sleep clears the mind of those unresolved stresses from the previous day.
With the right balance of REM sleep and slow-wave sleep you awaken with more energy and motivation, helping you to deal better with the everyday stresses of life rather than spending hours mulling over things.
And in so doing, the mind-body system is restored to a natural balance of waking and sleeping. Along with acceptance, the mastering of your attention mechanism and some brain training you could soon be back to sleeping like a baby.
Notes:
(1) Can an orgasm help you sleep? https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6409294/
Your first step to a better night’s sleep
I hope you’ve found this information useful and that it helps you start improving your sleep patterns. Rest assured, there really is so much you can do. And sometimes it takes just one little adjustment to make a big difference.
If you have any questions contact me here or see my FAQ page.
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And don’t forget to check out over 20 different hypnosis downloads that can improve your sleep – beginning tonight!
